Chapter 8

How To Snag A Nice Guy

Finally, the chapter you've all been waiting for. I am going to tell you exactly how to find a nice guy, and how to get a date with him. Got your pencils ready? His name is Alan. He's a really good friend of mine, and a great guy. He's also an excellent cook. He's pretty much free every night, so give him a call. His number is…

Just kidding. If only finding the Man of Your Dreams was that easy, right? Unfortunately, there is no book that lists nice single guys, along with their hobbies and phone numbers, though that would make a good sequel. For now, all I can give you are a few strategies for finding that special nice guy. It doesn't matter what age or what gender a person is, there are two basic problems when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. The first problem is not being able to meet anybody. The second is meeting too many of the wrong somebodies. If you don't fall into either of these categories, chances are you're an amoeba.

Unlike amoebas, whose entire dating life - from cell make-up to cell break-up - has been carefully documented by researchers, there is no exact science for human relationships. The strategies I am about to give are not a guaranteed recipe for lasting happiness. They are simply good advice, and it is up to you to tailor them to fit your own personality and situation…

Strategy #2: Be a Nice Girl

This includes a lot of things, many of which I have already mentioned, but are worth going over again briefly. First of all, looks are important. You need to look nice. By 'nice' I mean somewhere between sloppy and slutty. Don't overdo it with short skirts, revealing shirts, and too much makeup. But don't belittle yourself with messy hair and sloppy clothes. Wear clothes that show you care about yourself, but won't draw guys' eyes away from your smile.

Speaking of smiles, try to always keep one on you. To a nice guy, your face is far more important than your figure. If you have a confident and happy look, nice guys will notice. If you don't have a super sexy figure, and you look like you like you hate life, then it just looks like you hate yourself for being ugly. If you have a smile and you look like you love life, then you don't need to worry about being ugly, because no nice guy will ever think you are. A smile is the cheapest miracle-makeover you can give yourself.

Now that you are smiling, it should be easy to be nice to the people around you. You don't have to spend your life working in orphanages, just be polite and kind to the people around you - all of the people around you. Be nice to pretty people and ugly people, the jocks and the dorks, the famous and the homeless. Say please and thank you, hold the door for people, and give out compliments. Soon you will find yourself in a nicer world, with much nicer guys.